If you're anything like me, you've been living your life with this fear, this pit in your stomach that comes out at the least opportune moments.
You have this feeling that at some point, the other shoe is going to drop, and someone's going to confirm your deepest, darkest fear. That you're not enough – or maybe that someone's going to call you out for being too much. Too vain, too loud, too pretty, or just plain asking for too much.
Wait... what? How could it be both? Well, we have this set of norms around us that define how and who we should be. Successful - both financially and professionally. We should be wives and mothers, be thin. Toned. But not too thin, lest people think we're not eating or we're self-absorbed. Always be presentable. Calm. Healthy. Hydrated. We should leave space for others, should support and nourish and help others climb higher.
You know what I think? The only thing you should do is what you feel called to do. Inspired to do. You should do what lights you up. Leave the rest.
I know what you're thinking right now. Something like, "oh that's cute, someone else who thinks I should 'live my dream,' but has no idea about my life, the harsh ugly realities I face every single day.
But I do know. Not your specific realities, sure, but either way I know that what I'm saying is true. I know so because my life has had more than enough shit.
I am a survivor of childhood sexual abused, as well as adult rape and abuse. I've emotionally, physically and verbally abused by people I loved. I've numbed my pain and my light with drugs and alcohol – from shots to cocaine to pills, and have lost my brother to a traumatic head injury, and more recently my father to suicide.
I've spent myself into $30,000 of credit card debt – plus my car and student loans. I've overdraft my accounts and been scared about how I would pay the bills.
All of that as a well education, upper middle class raised white woman. I cannot imagine how much harder this would've been if I was poor. Or black. Or otherwise labeled as inferior by our society.
I share all of this not to tug at your heart strings. I have no desire for you to pity me, or say poor Chelsea. Nor do I want you to idolize me, or to look to me as if I'm some wise person. All I hope is that by telling you this, I can give you some hope Some light, see belief that you too can overcome the challenges you've faced, as well as those you're currently facing and those that have yet to come.
Because I know you can overcome those things.
You are here for a reason. For so many reasons, and we need your light. This world needs you, and it needs what you were brought here to do. To do that, you need to start taking care of yourself first, and to reprogram the limiting beliefs that are keeping you stuck.
I want to show you my darkness so that you can see the power of the light. I've done the work to overcome that darkness, and I keep showing up for myself so I can show others the way. So I can help you find your light. Star Wars status, if you will. The Force is in all of us, it is with all of us. And when you learn to see it, to connect with it, to trust it and let the light be your compass, true beauty, happiness and love lay on the other side.
If you've made it to the space, I am so proud of you. I'm so grateful to get to share a piece of my story with you, and I have so much love for you. You are fucking incredible.
Love + light, from me, to you.